some stuff

a mere FRACTION of all the amazing photos i was sent of the zine out in the world

this may be my fifth attempt to write a post-mortem about the zine. each time i've gotten through maybe about half of what i wanted to say, read it back to myself, and realized that i was just floundering. the thing is this: i don't think i can put words to how much the response to the zine meant, means, and will continue to mean to me. to put some numbers to my speechlessness, i originally thought, "40 copies seems like a generous estimate". at the end of the day, i wound up sending more than 150. they went everywhere, from across the street, to hawaii, alaska, and even a couple to australia. i heard from high school friends, girls from my sorority, and also connected with solvers i'd never been introduced to before. so many people left warm, earnest, exceedingly kind, and moving messages, and each one of them is now permanently etched into my brain (at least temporarily overwriting my constant thought of 'what if everyone actually hates me and doesn't care if i live or die?'). i was moved to tears by the outpouring of support and love—i was so scared to share this project, in fear that it would not be well-received and, instead, the very opposite happened. i'm honestly still dazed by the whole thing.

so thank you, thank you, thank you. just like anyone, i get lonely and, oftentimes, it's not a great situation when it's just me, alone, with what's going on in my head. i can very confidently say that the warmth i am still feeling from this project has really buoyed my heart in a lasting way. i can't believe i'm tearing up AGAIN as i type this—embarrassing! thank you.

ideally, i would have capped this post off with a puzzle, but it's just not in the cards. i didn't want to force myself to make something just to say i did it when this post had a very clear intent. i may get another puzzle up before the end of the year, but i might not! i'm (for once in my life) not going to worry about it (too much). if i don't see you, have a safe and happy holiday season; wear your sunblock; tell your people that you love them. 

xoxo

crosstina aqua-zine-a, vol. 1

i posted my first crosstina puzzle on october 31, 2021—a bamboozling three years ago. i'm not really sure where the time has gone, both in terms of crosswords or just my regular, degular life. i knew that i wanted to celebrate the occasion of this passion project turning into a threenager, and that i wanted to do it with more than a regular puzzle. (i did briefly consider a rows garden, but that was easier said than done) (which is not to say that this was easy either lmao). i've spent a lot of time thinking about what it means that crosswords are essentially ephemera, and i decided i wanted to create something with more permanence—something that was visual and tactile. so what i did was make a crosstina zine—a crosstina aqua-zine-a, if you will. with some art, some personal thoughts, some personal photos, and 14 midi puzzles. i hope you like it, but it's okay if you don't! it's very personal, and i'm very proud of it.

i want to thank kate, for listening to all of my unhinged ideas (always, but especially with this), alex for some tech support, and will nediger for test-solving. there are extended thanks, including one for you—yes, you!—within.

if you would like to indulge me* ** and receive an actual, physical copy of the 20-page zine in the mail, please fill out the google form here: google form

* i really, truly, genuinely want to send these to anyone who wants them. *extremely sabrina carpenter voice* please, please, please take me up on this

** i bought cute stamps and everything please i'm begging 

you can also solve the puzzles online, in acrosslite/xword/the nexus solver by downloading them here: zip file download

additionally, you can download the PDF of the zine, including the essays and accompanying foofaraw here: pdf download (answer key)

thank you all so much for everything, from the bottom of my heart.

xoxo

themeless no. 35

 

people always ask me "what comes first, the puzzle or the poster" (no one has ever asked me this). usually, it's the puzzle! this time, it's the poster. happy earth, wind, and fire day to all who observe! the holiday inspired my choice of muppets from space for this poster because of this iconic scene. also, gonzo is such an aquarius; we're very spiritually connected. ANYWAY— this might be one of my favorite posters i've made! i''m so happy with it. the puzzle? it's just okay. the date was really just a happy accident— i sat down a week ago to make a grid and realized that, if i hustled, it could be ready by this glorious occasion. so here it is! 

i had a much longer blog post here originally, because i have a lot of things simmering in my heart and on my mind at the moment, but i reckon you guys are here for a crossword and not my meditations on what it means to be a person in this world. i will say, though, that lately i'm working on a few things for myself: accepting that trying and wanting are not embarrassing, shameful things; not replying to compliments by telling someone they're wrong, actually; no longer taking every bit of criticism as a referendum on me as a human being. i've had mixed results so far (it's mostly just really hard to rewire impulses you've been working with for [redacted] number of years), but i do feel that i am ultimately happier just for the effort. i guess i'm sharing this here for accountability reasons!

('get a diary!' the crowd roars. 'i have one but i get so anxious about whether or not my handwriting looks nice that i never write anything in it!' i yell back in tears)

so anyway! here's the puzzle. i'm 80% happy with it, and i decided that was good enough for me, for now. i promise my puzzle next month (for the 3rd birthday of crosstina, holy shit) will be better. it wasn't exactly test solved but i did make kate look at it first but PLEASE I'M BEGGING U tell me if you find a typo. i'm just a girl!

[FULLSCREEN | JPZ | PDF]

themeless no. 34: let's work it out on the remix

 

brat summer is over when we say its over! 

we actually had nothing to work out on the remix, but it was such a thrill to finally work with may (a self-described “long-time solver, first-time collaborator of the blog")!!! we've known each other since the 2022 lil avc x roster, and she was also on the midi roster at the modern (rip in peace, baybeee!) when may listened to the new charli xcx album she immediately knew [REDACTED] would shine as a seed entry in a puzzle that needed to be a collab! i was so honored when she hit me up and beyond excited (and probably should have replied to her text faster!!). we had a blast on this puzzle and are amped to share it with you! if you're looking for more from may, check out crossworthy.net, a free crossword construction platform she runs with her husbae, kevin! they just added the ability to live-edit a puzzle together, google docs style, which is huge!

xcxc crosstina & may

[FULLSCREEN | JPZ | PDF]

themeless no. 33

i don't know where this summer went, truthfully. i blinked and it's almost august— what the hell? the past few months have not been without tremendous amounts of emotional pain, existential crises, and love island binges, but that's just the stuff that makes life worth living. we're here now, and that's what counts! i don't have much to say about this particular puzzle, but i hope you have as much fun solving it as i did making it. thank you to kate for kicking my ass to make it and then reassuring me that i was not going to humiliate myself in posting it. 

over the next ~6 weeks i have 6 puzzles running all over the place, so keep your eyes peeled for those. i'm also excited to be a constructor for the midwest crossword tournament— see more here.

be kind, be safe, wear your sunscreen. 

e-sims for gaza

[ FULLSCREEN | PDF | PUZ ]

themeless no. 32 (feat. erik agard)

welcome to the redesigned crosstina! i forgot i changed the header a few weeks ago and jumpscared myself. i still have a hard time believing that this thing has been going (at varying speeds) since late 2021. what a time to be alive!

to paraphrase a haus of decline comic, it's a treat to make something and pour your excitement and joy and love and all that important stuff into it, in hopes that whoever then experiences the thing gets a share of that. to make those things with friends is even more special, so it's a real thrill to have erik here again! it's been a while since our last blog collab, but erik is in high demand and i have been very busy eating stale swedish fish and trying every limited edition coke flavor. you understand, surely.

a note from erik: 

what an honor, joy, and privilege to be able to bring you another Crosstina Collab! hope you enjoy it and your day! 

and that's all we wrote! besides the puzzle. good luck, have fun, wear your sunscreen, and be kind.

[ FULLSCREEN | JPZ | PDF ] [ puzzles for palestine | these puzzles fund abortion ]

themeless no. 31

i made this puzzle as a joke, and then i got sick. i'm posting it now because i've been cluing it between 14-hour long "naps" and literal fever dreams and i think it's funny. you aren't obligated to tell me you like it, but *cough cough* it would make me feel better. there is no poster for it because i didn't feel like it :) changed my mind :) 

please check out these puzzles fund abortion 4, if you haven't yet. here is a list of ways you can support palestinians in gaza.

OH by the way did you know that manatees CHIRP? you're welcome!!!

[ FULL SCREEN | PDF | .JPZ ]

themeless no. 30